Category Archives: Depression

Trash TV: Iyanta and DMX Interview

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After painstakingly giving in, I watched a recorded event my wife thought would be interesting. It was with one of my favorite rap artists DMX and an entertainer named Iyanta. I never heard of Iyanta and was not interested in the interview or interviewer. However, after observing some of its content, I can categorically state, she is ill-equipped to diagnosis clinical depression or addiction. For this reason, the interview was a sham. The producers and Iyanta exploited an obvious ill individual for commercial gains. Sadly, in the Black community, some will cheer this exploitative slice of ‘weird TV’. Our community accepts most anything as authentic if we become emotional, feel pity, or want to pray. However, the interview on DMX by Iyanta was trash TV. Mental illness and addiction is no entertaining matter. I’m not sure if “X” suffers from either, nonetheless, Iyanta, lacks a professional background to diagnosis it. She did more harm than good, and only for ratings.

Mental illness and addiction has rampaged communities across America. However, in the Black community the epidemic has gone viral long ago. I suffered for over 18 years with depression and addiction. I know the terror and thoughts of suicide. It was the hardest battle in my life faced mostly alone. Beyond my wife, children, and Rod Davis, no one could bring sunlight into the darkness. Again, I cannot say what DMX suffers from, but the symptoms he displayed while exploited were hurricane-warning signals. This interview should never have occurred. His taking advantage of was an attempt to keep a struggling entertainment mogul afloat (Oprah Winfrey). Sadly, the effort also sends the message that mental illness and addiction needs only a pep talk, and reconciliation with a love one. This production was an act of betrayal. DMX’s representative should charge Iyanta, with an intelligence malpractice suit if they cared about his health and awareness.

In the Black community mental illness and depression remains under the most ineffective institution in Black culture: The Black Church and its representatives. It is common for Black women to beg depressed and dysfunctional men to seek help from unqualified clergypersons. Yes, send them to people who lack any trace of formal education in mental diseases. This is a horrible mistake to send depressed individuals to a church representative untrained in the field. On the contrary, the Black church can help by suggesting individuals to seek professional help. In so much, Iyanta, Kirk Franklin and any other entertainers must shut their damn mouth on the issue. These half-baked tricksters must scurry back to their dwellings or obtain an academic education in the field. Either way, please let my people go.

The worse statement from Iyanta was when she said to DMX, “Don’t you know you’re a vessel of God”. I nearly lost it; what does mythical propaganda have to do with a possible mental illness and addiction diagnosis? This freak show exhibition eventually turned my stomach and I turned away from it. Sadly, numerous Black men and women may suffer from undiagnosed mental disease and addiction. Thousands are attempting to cope with the horrors of comorbidity; some make it, and many do not. We do know however, 95% of all suicides the person was suffering from depression at the time. With this knowledge, we no longer can think Black preachers or some half-baked interviewer should attempt to diagnosis mental illness. Look at the statistics below and ask yourself who was helped in that interview.

Suicide Rates for African Americans, 1999-2010

• As with all racial groups, African American females were more likely than males to attempt suicide and African American males were more likely to die by suicide.

• From 1993 to 2002, the rate of suicide for African Americans (all ages) showed a small but steady decline. Since 2002, the rate has remained fairly flat, varying only between 4.9 and 5.2 per 100,000 annually.

• Suicide was the third leading cause of death among African American youth (ages 10-

19), after homicides and accidents. The suicide rate for this age group was 2.65 per 100,000 (n=196).

• Males accounted for the vast majority of African American elderly (65 and older) suicides.

Whitney Houston and I

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By Robert Williams

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I grew up with Whitney Houston and loved every moment of it. I was watching MTV in the early 80’s at Eastern Illinois University as a student when this tiny caramel glazed Whitney sequestered my attention. At eighteen or nineteen I became frozen, first just seeing a Black artist on MTV, but equally as well seeing a young Black sister blazing such sensational vocal cords. Oh yea and she was hot, I mean good-looking. I knew immediately she was a superior talent. I was enthroned such that I wanted my girlfriend to look like her. She was a quantifying symbol that success albeit in show business was a possibility.

Like most Black College students at that time I understood Black videos wasn’t available for public viewership. As a matter of reference, Don Cornelius’ Soul Train was the nearest channel to music videos in those days.  However, MTV revolutionized cable television with Hollywood produced style music video for viewing.  But there was a catch, Pandora box only spilled out white artists on the small screen. As a result, the ‘No Color Artists Need Apply’ atmosphere was apparent at MTV. Yet, it would take Michael Jackson’s Billy Jean video to break the color line on MTV. Michael’s talents and music videos provided the pathway for Whitney and other Black artists to mainstream society. (As a reminder, my generation grew up with Don Cornelius, Michael Jackson, and Whitney Houston, all who have now moved beyond, their talents will be missed.)

A Wasted Talent?

Some Americans will remind us that Whitney was talent wasted; I would say to them, keep your hero-worshipping mythology to yourself. You see Whitney and Michael each were ordinary humans with exceptional talents: Singing and show business. Some believe however they are mandated by this talent to be without flaws.  Bullshit!   In fact, they are especially receptive to make more mistakes than other. Why? Because they often mis-perceive and overreach their talents, in other words, they may begin to believe they’re more than humans. Consequently, this is never true, we’re all flawed humans. You would think people would understand that outside those talents artists are like you and me. Yet plan to see and hear on discussion boards, “Whitney wasted her talents and life”.  This is an egotistical statement supporting the hypothesis, “That much is given, much is demanded”, this is a modern-day myth of enormous proportion. Here’s a poorly kept secret, exceptional talent is not synonymous with perfection, Godliness, or any other mythological standards.

My Hero is Not a God

I am not here to remind you of Whitney Houston’s shortcomings, I’m too busy categorizing my own. I however would like to remind you of her impact in my young adulthood. She was a frozen figurine in her music video but, on the other hand, her voice would pound like a boxer submitting his final blows to his helpless opponent. She was a magnetic force attracting young men and women in my generation, I never heard someone say Whitney Houston could not sing, not once. Was she special? No more than the average person on the street. Did she light up and disappoint her fans? I suspect. Nonetheless, she never had to provide anything but her music for our pleasure or scorn. Those who mock her for the numerous shortcomings will dread my commentary, so be it.

However, I loved her talent, her life, and the limitations; only because I believed my heroes are human.

Depressive Rumination: Stopping Negative Thinking

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“You’re going to worry yourself sick”, was my mother’s ring tone. Those seemingly meaningless words crashed softly to the ground in my youth and young adulthood. Unfortunately, in 2005 with my life completely unmanageable did the phrase make its way home.  After suffering from major depression and depressive rumination for over twenty years, I learned “you’re going to worry yourself sick” was an understatement.

The Stuck Mind

Depressive rumination is repetitive thinking; the disruptive behavior is associated with affective disorders like depression. I was a slave to this horrible affliction. The ability to chew on negative thoughts for days was a common occurrence. These judgments originated from numerous mental queries, judgments, and suggestions (i.e., a perceived wrong from others, external forces, or future expectations).

Whatever the reason, thoughts or opinions would stew in my mind until mental exhaustion was achieved. Without question, I could not let go of repetitive negative thoughts; they were a normal element of my depressive life.

Major depression is a dark alley of hopelessness and its strangling mist slowly chokes rational thinking to death. The experience of depression is indefinable, and it becomes more horrifying; when we cannot articulate our mood, it’s scary as hell. But we can recover from both depression and depressive rumination.  We can find a way out.

Thus when the decision to face my darkness was sprouted, rumination or obsessive thinking was also in my crosshairs. I wanted freedom from depression, substance abuse, and repetitive thinking in that order.

Byron Katie

Dismantling depressive rumination became possible after reading Byron Katie’s “Loving What Is.” Her book helped me learn more about Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). CBT is a form of psychotherapy where thoughts are challenges for validity. In other words, is it true what we’re thinking or is it a false perception? Unchallenged negative thoughts have a direct impact on our behaviors and our depressive disorders.

Byron Katie’s “Loving What Is”, coupled with psychotherapy, anti-depressive medicine, and Taoism provided the strength to challenge my depressive rumination. Taoism is my philosophy and my path. I practiced five years reading, studying, and receiving therapy to not only conquer depression, but to manage circular thinking. In addition, the art of mindfulness helped challenge old habits as well.

Depressive rumination increases depressive symptoms in patients. This maladaptive behavior is detrimental to the mind, body, and spirit.  We ponder relentlessly about memories we cannot affect and likewise wait with heightened anxiety for future expectation.

However, major depression and depressive rumination are curable.  Please consider seeking medical diagnosis for your depressive symptoms or rumination.   By the way, only when we are present in the here-and-now do depressive ruminations begin to dissolve.

purple dragon

The Invisible Dragon

Dragon’s Daily Word, “Spiritual Pain”

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You will not wish, cry, or pray away what is bothering you spiritually.   You will not tithe, donate, or give charitably away this divine irritableness either.  Sadly, only the clever and immature attempts to barter with nothing.  As we know, the purgatory starting line will continue to reappear with this thinking.

The tao te ching, bible, quran, or motivational books are useless concerning your spiritual uneasiness.  Being an accomplished reader does not gain favor. Renewing one’s consciousness requires rigid inner reflection and determination.  As a result, old belief patterns should become susceptible to refutation.  “Out with the old and in with the new.”

But, unchaining false realities, harder than imagine.  Why you ask?  Because the chained consciousness lives with soreness as an acceptable feeling.  Hence, the doubtful spirit becomes easier to fake as real in public.  In the end the inflexible consciousness unwilling to trust her inner being will pain religiously.

Self-cultivation is a one-person journey.

Get going…as hard as it will be…get going.

Miles Davis

The Invisible Dragon

Daily Dragon’s Mantra. “Self-Mastery”

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We predict with certainty an expert resided over hours of practice and training. Hence a virtuoso of piano suffocated in seclusion training her discipline.  In another instance, the skill surgeon stockpiled hours of due diligence to the smallest procedure. Without regards, external mastery skills requires long hours of hard work.

Yet religious and spiritual apprenticeship last but seconds. How one does believe mastery of self involves a ‘verbal slogan’ or membership to a sect implausible.  Nevertheless one may be assured mass gatherings expressing conversion in minutes disguise the ultimate reality.

Self-Cultivation

There exist no ‘quick fixes’ to deconstructing the illusionary mind.  Heighten awareness occurs from isolation wedded to inflexible vocation alike the sharpshooter or ballerina. Please let us not be mystified, skilled inner awareness may require years of practice. Therefore, as a stern warning, those who profess quickness to a ‘new spirit’ should receive a cool reception.

The world is populated with quacks announcing their possessing “The Way”.   As a rule gimmicks, tricks, and aged-old witty dialogue are not avenues to deliverance. The secret is not hidden from view; self-cultivation requires hard work and resiliency.  To blossom, stay inside (You) and study.

The Invisible Dragon

Miles Davis