Category Archives: Ego-Driven

Should We Fight the Power?

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I am concluding my masters’ degree requirements this summer and I thought to include some conversations from our online sections.

Rebecca and I are classmates in a final course for my Ms.Ed., this summer.  I thought it would be cool to blog some of our discussions.  I respect Rebecca’s intuitiveness and her willingness to challenge status quo.  She has been involved with marginalized groups (e.g., Blacks, women, Latinos) learning education for some time in her professional career.  In fact, we are both reading instructors in the College Learning Enhancement Program (CLEP) at Northern Illinois University. The class is Nature of Adult and Higher Education and is guided by Dr. Karen Haley,

(Robert) The assumptions of postmodernism (e.g., Multicultural, learning-centered, informal experiences) considering gender and racial statuses are attractive as teaching modules.  While I do not see learners as agents for social change, I do however value collaborative learning for the non-majority members, specifically African-American males.  The tenet of ‘Caring’ is extremely important to marginalized groups in higher education.  I find this principle in line with my belief in Humanism and culturally responsive teaching curriculum.  Thus, each component together along with other variables (e.g., self-directed learning, self-actualization, and resiliency) provides a more Holistic learning experience for college-aged Black males.

(Rebecca) Hi Rob. Do you really not see learners as agents for change? You’ve spoken often about changing the landscape of education for African-American males, surely your approach is empowering and does have the potential to bring about change. I think all students are agents for change. Every life we touch brings about change!

(Robert) Dr. Vaughn (To Be) I knew this would stir your hornet’s nest.

I believe students should choose their paths and not follow a pre-package societal bucket list.  In other words, if one chooses to help create social change through teaching that’s fine, I am on such a path.  Nevertheless, I am not leading or suggesting every adult should follow my journey.  The philosophy that “All” students should aspire___________ (Fill in the blank) creates followers not leaders.  New Flash!!! You Should Be Who You Are!!!

Social change is just that social.  If a movement arises and one feels the urge to make a different I commend them.  However, African-American males are responsible for their conscious transformation first and foremost.  If they decide to involve themselves in a mass incarceration anti-movement for example that’s great, if not, that’s great also.  No person has the right to judge one by their civic, gender, or racial advocacies or non-involvement thereof.  (Although I find myself during this more than I would admit)  My teaching philosophy encourages self-actualization not a ‘Drum Beat’ of my definition of a life worth living.  In fact: No one shall submit an outline of life’s activities as a precursor to cultural and social standards.

If you sit alone upon a rock…you are there

If you rail for social justice…you are there

You are who you could have become thus

potentials aren’t worth a damn

Life Exist With or Without You

Be Yourself….

cheers,

“A Champion Within” Q & A

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excerpts from “A Champion Within’ The Autobiography of Robert Williams

Q. What Kind of College Football Player Were you?

A.  I believe most of my college teammates would say my physical talents were marginal at best.  I did not run a fast forty and weight lifting was an embarrassment.  Often teammates would joke and make it an issue for comedy relief or chastise me for my weak work ethic in the weight room.   They were mostly right, I did not run fast in a straight line, and lifting weight seemed to be a waste of time.

In my view, we did not play the game on the track and I seldom remember running downon the kickoff and tackling someone on a weight bench.   The bottom line, I possessed tremendous skills and a cognitive gift for the knowledge of the game.  I relied on something most football player were accused of not having…a brain.

I was an intelligent and tough football player, I studied game film intensely my entire career at Eastern.  The coaches often reminded me of this value as I sat in on a few game planning with them.  The game of football is about being smarter than your opponent and then exhibit your might; I had large muscles in those areas.  However, some teammates were jealous because they did not conceive those traits as important than their speed or bench max.  I believe I never received the accolades from some teammates because of my minuscule physical traits and my abrasive in your face personality. ..

…Football is an egotistical game and teammates can become jealous quite easy.  In 1983, I was named to the AFCA Kodak All-American for the second consecutive year.  As customary the award was given at the half time of a home basketball game.  However, the same year my teammate Chris Nicholson had a tremendous season.  He led the team in sacks, tackle for lost, he was a force of nature.  In the air was the feeling that “Thick Nick” as we referred to him deserved the prestigious award instead.  Some teammates made their position known that night in Lantz gymnasium as their applauds was cool at best when my named came across the PA system…

Sadly, some felt I was less than deserving of the award and they made sure I knew this in an implicit manner…I was hurt by their reaction but not surprise; I heard rumors and rumblings earlier in the week.  I remember only receiving a few handshakes that night from teammates and the mass coolness from many detractors…

“Thick Nick” deserved All-American honors in 1983 as he was a stellar ball player, as was myself, but the selective committee saw fit to honor my play instead.  I had nothing to do with that…my being one of only two first-team All-American in Eastern Illinois history remains controversial for some but albeit deserving…some teammates believe they were better than me and rightly so I guess, I just wished their play was awarded nationally as so to quantify it.

Robert A. Williams

How Does One Maintain Deep Peace?

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At the center of your being you have the answer;

you know who you are and you know what you want.
Lao Tzu

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Lately my life has become submerged in clouds of “Busy Work”. This phrase (Busy Work) I learned from students as it describes activities of routine and not of passion. As you are aware, the musings are far too between here on the Dragon, reason? (My mind is trapped in Busy Work). By the way, the longhand journal I keep does not recognize the ink of my pen.  WTF, I am a stranger until myself.

How does one maintain deep peace? What sacrifices should one make for happiness? Describe that place? Valid questions, more important than graduate studies, these inquiries are possibly the foundation of my life.  (One would only hope).

Since March 2007, The Invisible Dragon blog has been a sanctuary for reflection but lately it has become a foreign novelty. I would like to invite a reunion, a static gathering, where one again set the sunrise by it. Is this a peaceful start?  (One does Hope)

I believe one should develop a life philosophy, a livable framework, flexible in structure no less. (If it sounds like I’m new to this I am). Writing to the Dragon is very peaceful; I wonder why one turns their back on it occasionally. What is outside my awareness that motivates these ambitions to flee? How does one maintain deep peace? (I Hope)

The Invisible Dragon

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The Return of the Dragon, Starring “The Black Dragon”

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tattoos,tattoo,dikaya,woman,love,alternative-327f273b3a46a8acff177225f8cee816_hI ventured into the psyche of others to engage in fantasy. Normally this “castle in the sky” process as expected clips the massive reptilian wings. Is a Black Dragon a cold-blooded vertebrate or a groveling, mean, despicable creature? Hmm, one wonders. Again, I am diarist, maintaining a longhand journal, electronic blog, radio show, and an ironclad memory.

Nevertheless, inside the mind…

outside in humanity…

in the lives of others:

I am an enigma.

As mentioned, the Dragon engaged in his often-unannounced sabbatical inside the perfect dilemma recently. Important lessons appeared learned and some taught, however (I am weary of the second decree). First, never acquire the cluttered lives of others; the only realistic measure may insure your being bewildered.

The mind is a terrible thing to waste, or maybe not always, maybe the heart, yes: Is not the “Heart” a terrible thing to throw away?  His smoke-filled nostrils signal perplexity.

How does one help…banished as a prisoner in a deserted prison castle?  The Dragon may not. The mortgage on life has received a foreclosure notice; the debt, too great. For some, to go over the cliff is better than to request a Black Dragon’s love…inside my mind outside in their lives. I return among rebuffed fellows waiting an opportunity for redemption.

The Invisible Dragon

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Depressive Rumination: Stopping Negative Thinking

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“You’re going to worry yourself sick”, was my mother’s ring tone. Those seemingly meaningless words crashed softly to the ground in my youth and young adulthood. Unfortunately, in 2005 with my life completely unmanageable did the phrase make its way home.  After suffering from major depression and depressive rumination for over twenty years, I learned “you’re going to worry yourself sick” was an understatement.

The Stuck Mind

Depressive rumination is repetitive thinking; the disruptive behavior is associated with affective disorders like depression. I was a slave to this horrible affliction. The ability to chew on negative thoughts for days was a common occurrence. These judgments originated from numerous mental queries, judgments, and suggestions (i.e., a perceived wrong from others, external forces, or future expectations).

Whatever the reason, thoughts or opinions would stew in my mind until mental exhaustion was achieved. Without question, I could not let go of repetitive negative thoughts; they were a normal element of my depressive life.

Major depression is a dark alley of hopelessness and its strangling mist slowly chokes rational thinking to death. The experience of depression is indefinable, and it becomes more horrifying; when we cannot articulate our mood, it’s scary as hell. But we can recover from both depression and depressive rumination.  We can find a way out.

Thus when the decision to face my darkness was sprouted, rumination or obsessive thinking was also in my crosshairs. I wanted freedom from depression, substance abuse, and repetitive thinking in that order.

Byron Katie

Dismantling depressive rumination became possible after reading Byron Katie’s “Loving What Is.” Her book helped me learn more about Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). CBT is a form of psychotherapy where thoughts are challenges for validity. In other words, is it true what we’re thinking or is it a false perception? Unchallenged negative thoughts have a direct impact on our behaviors and our depressive disorders.

Byron Katie’s “Loving What Is”, coupled with psychotherapy, anti-depressive medicine, and Taoism provided the strength to challenge my depressive rumination. Taoism is my philosophy and my path. I practiced five years reading, studying, and receiving therapy to not only conquer depression, but to manage circular thinking. In addition, the art of mindfulness helped challenge old habits as well.

Depressive rumination increases depressive symptoms in patients. This maladaptive behavior is detrimental to the mind, body, and spirit.  We ponder relentlessly about memories we cannot affect and likewise wait with heightened anxiety for future expectation.

However, major depression and depressive rumination are curable.  Please consider seeking medical diagnosis for your depressive symptoms or rumination.   By the way, only when we are present in the here-and-now do depressive ruminations begin to dissolve.

purple dragon

The Invisible Dragon