“It takes a Village to Raise a Violent Child.”

41p073Often elder blacks speak about the ‘good old days’. They blush as utopia atmospheres bellow from their imaginations to describe a time once lost. The metaphor described a ‘village’ environment where everyone helped raise, nurture, and love black  children.  Mrs. Jones’ kindness and supervision is an example they speak about, she was a second mother to me. As a result, I was unwilling to misbehave from a fear of shame and embarrassment not physical punishment. I loved her and disappointing her was identical to hurting my biological mother.

An Indignity of Humans

Growing up in the 70s amongst poverty and collective degradation impacts one’s life in many ways. As mentioned, Mrs. Jones’ kindness influenced my life in positive ways. Nevertheless, isolation in densely concentrated areas with economically constrained people also influence one’s moral fiber in negative manners. Unbeknownst to young malleable minds adult traits are affecting their development in not-so-good processes. In other words, our experiences regardless of normalcy or maladaptive in the village impact us.

One black village’s attribute that dwarfed my development was imagesviolence.  Physical viciousness was an acceptable form of behavior in the hood. Fighting and being incredibly brutal was a preached norm by family and friends alike. You were encourage to build a reputation through fighting. In addition, aggression in the form of ‘whipping’  by parents to correct misbehavior was commonplace. In fact the majority of my friends’ parents or single parent subscribed to identical ideologies, “Get out of line whip his ass where he stands.”

A Homicidal Beast

An old African or biblical proverb ‘spare the rod spoils the child’ appeared to be the punishment paradigm. The epidemic of physical beatings as a corrective device has a long history with blacks. However we are learning misguided cultural or religious creeds send a deadly signal to indelible minds.  The homicide rate among young black males are frightening.  Death on the streets have become an institution of higher learning.  However like school many do not graduate.

Young black boys like myself was all to willing to demonstrate brutality also as men. Remember we were raised to physically fight; as a result the straps on our naked ass may have created insensitivity to aggression.  After countless hostile recollections that haunted me; my vicious psyche was deconstructed a few years ago. Sadly in those memories were violent intentions meant to seriously injure or kill the person; literally. I am ashamed how a (Village) raised its children to fight where homicide became the educational norm.

The Invisible Dragon

Miles Davis

You Do Not Know What’s Best for Others

492073189_eff60d3b1a_m “If only you shut up and listen to me” or “I’ll be quiet, why you destroy your life.” Regardless of the syntax, these statements wreak egotism. In fact, they often appear as helpful proposals but cloaked in the almighty ego of “I know what’s best for you”, they are self-centered wrappings of pride and fear. As a result, a difficult narcissus mental tool to surrender is the belief, “We know what’s best for others.” Without question, untold relationships have dissolved under this false notion.

Do you know the ego instructs the mind to “Know All?” Often, for some, we follow the ego’s instructions as we collect life’s memories. In the closely held materials reside accomplishments, adverse situations, hard knocks, triumphs and defeats. We however, unintentionally, become entrenched with a false sense authority; in fact, we become bloated with the false perception of all-encompassing wisdom.

In other words, we now know what is best for others and ourselves because of our memories. As such, we become possess with “Special Talents of Foreseeing the Future.” It may sound absurd but let us ‘chop it up’ like my friend Clarence would say.

Once a___Always____

For example, “Only an addict can talk to an addict about life changes.” Alternatively, “the religious person who formerly was astray can now help one change their lives.” In addition, the adult knows what is best for the child or the teacher is the master to the student.  These are all monomers.  They are all false assumptions of wisdom.

Nevertheless, all these noble assumptions and likewise appear genuine, nevertheless, these self-absorbed beliefs may lead to absolutism. Also, above all else, these arrogant beliefs blanket all people alike and once categorized the people are easily demonized if they refuse to listen to the “Special Person”, or the one “Who knows what’s best for them.” 1411577622_039cca041b

For instance, we may demonized husbands, wives, co-workers and friends when they refuse our counsel, in fact, the closer the relations, the more intense the feeling of dissent may become.

We literally hate, yes hate, when love ones refuse our counsels and predictions. As a result, we may condemn them to a life of sadness and despair; in addition, subconsciously desiring God to prove us right by bringing his wrath on the person.

“Hit Rock Bottom”

In fact, we call it, “rock bottom,” this not only indicate we’re right, but that God supports our beliefs of “We know what’s best.” Let us not deceive ourselves, the egotistical mind will defend those beliefs of being right till death. Countless relationships snap under such duress each day.  Sadly, some would rather be right, than to accept and surrender the egotistical thought of fortune-telling.

However, what is it we should accept and surrender too? Simple, we do not know what is best for anyone and we cannot predict his or her outcome. Regardless of our relations, titles, abilities, and accomplishments we lack the ability to see the final outcome.

Moreover, to make it more clear, the drug addict and convicted felon today becomes a writer and scholar tomorrow and who shall deny God’s proclamation. On the flip side, if you want to help someone, quiet your egotistical mind and self-righteous mouth and get to work on yourself.  Because, remarkably, the so-call righteous “Know-it-All” person today is the addict and felon tomorrow, now who would have predicted that?

The Invisible Dragon

milesdavis1

Tao 31, Throw Down your Weapons

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Tao 31

All decent women detest violence,

and so they never take up arms.

Weapons are the tools of fear, decent

women use them only in direst situations

**

When women must use weapons

they act with calm and carefulness.

For the Sage knows there is no

delight or beauty in destruction.

**

The Sage enemies are like herself

and she mourns when she must do

them harm.

**

Peace is the highest value,

and violence cannot replace it.

The Sage never rejoice in the

slaughter of her enemies.

Violence must be mourned

and never celebrated.

*

The Invisible Dragon