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Photography by R. Williams
Category Archives: Women
A Helpful Affair, The Video
Picture by Robert A. Williams
Ruby Wore Heels In Church
Her shapely stature cracked the air with each step from her southern cooked body. She was gorgeously tall and spoke with girlish shyness. Since young times Negroes and White men say something fine under her clothes. In Sutton, Mississippi most Negro women share physical similarities, but not with Ruby Granberry. Her nice physical collectibles caused Negro men to thirst and their women to drown in anger. However, when she came to church, women stared evil thinking toward her mightily. For when Ruby worshipped; she wore heels.
Many Negro residents of Sutton refused the move north when the getting was good for work. Believing their white God would send them good riches, they remained south defiantly; waiting. However their God kept quiet about helping them through the years. That’s when outside folks saw traces of religious craziness after help never came.
The Negro church folks would ‘shake and bake’ their bodies to obedience every Sunday. Good old Baptist gospel folks referred to it as. Luckily for Ruby she left long ago, albeit not to escape holy conversion by gospel crazies; no…she left in a hurry because her scent was being closed in upon.
***
On Fridays, 20 miles out at Bessie Milton’s junk joint, men thirsted for Ruby more than the cheap liquor. She was fine as can be to any man who can see with good eyes no less. Never minding however this was marriage country amongst black folks. Women like Ruby need ought to be married or receive the evil eye and run off by married women.
Notwithstanding Negro men were rascals in the small town of 2,000. Oft chasing young girls helping them find their bodies all the time. Sutton churchmen were no different. Their hands search young women’s bodies more than the collection plates, if you could figure that. Being smart however, hitched women knew, nothing raised a Negro churchman’s excitement more than a fine single young churchwoman; who’s figuring out her working parts.
Neverminding, one thing Mississippi folks get in a stir about is an insider who becomes an outsider. Negroes are just the same as White folks in this matter. The single, 20-years old, fair-skinned vixen was surely an outsider now being caught red-handed helping the pastor lose his sanctification. She must go — the good Negro folks of Sutton, Mississippi figured; more so the women than men obviously. Some gals even wishing her better dead than just gone up north. However the men were always blinded by her beauty, they did not want her to go.
***
That’s a main reason why the churchmen never paid attention to Ruby’s bad voice in the choir. Her perfectly carved figure clogged their already waxed ears anyhow. The only sounds they cared about was her physical one and she was loud no less. Desired like fine chocolate and fleeting as like cheap bubblegum to most men; she done always had a thing for pastors no less.
The new Negro minister done only had been there a few days already and his body burned like a pot belly stove with grits atop it. His thinking thoughts about Ruby are unable to be spoken to good folks. Let’s just say they were private and adult like. It is no secret around Sutton, a young single attractive church gal like Ruby drives Negro men wild.
The young pastor of God was crazy feeling about her. In fact, he done tasted her every Friday in the barn on the Wilson’s old plantation land since two months ago starting. When those Sutton Negro women done found out about her playfulness, they sought to get rid of her. Never minding however… Ruby long figured her young body makes men playful…
Just ask the deacons at that old Negro church in Sutton, Mississippi…in 1955.
Robert A. Williams
Are You in a Bogus Marriage or Relationship?
Without question, there is no greater despair then a person in a disjointed love relationship. As a result, when affairs head south, we ask, “What went wrong.” We contemplate repeatedly, what looked so promising, faded so fast to crap. There are untold individuals of failed relationships and marriages. Some end nicely, and sadly, some in abusive fashion.
As an illustration, The Dragon never immune to life has suffered failed relationships, two to be exact. Youth and ignorance could be plausible reasons, but let us not kid ourselves. Above all, I did not know what self-love consisted of and ultimately, in both affairs, I wanted my needs met. I wanted a caregiver. The Dragon refer to as “Bogus or Counterfeit Love,” where one falls in love with the illusion of “Falling in Love.”
For the sake of discussion, let us take a closer look at the construction of counterfeit love. When we meet the so-call ‘the one’, our impulses says, ‘this person makes us feel special.” Hence, our stomachs turn as if on a roller coaster when we are with them. He/she does everything right (i.e., movies, valentine gifts, & candy). In essence, you bragged to your family and friends, this is the one. Now let us fast-forward to real life shall we, a few years later, as we sit scarred and bristled in our closet crying uncontrollably.
What Happen?
First, you were never in love; you were in love with the “illusion of falling in love”. Let us not be 
deceitful, we ultimately, succumbed to an illusion supported by sex, gifts and “the idea we were extraordinary”. In any case, when we construct a relationship in this manner, it is no wonder; we end up in the fetal position weeping and saying, “He/She just changed overnight.” Yea, right! Incidentally, when you lack self-love, you are easily attracted to counterfeit love. You drove yourself to the slaughterhouse; let us take a closer examination.
Overall, we threw ourselves at these men/women, all the while, ignoring obvious character flaws (i.e., selfishness, obsessiveness, needy, just plain shady). Sadly, inside the illusion, we saw only what made us ‘feel special’. Moreover, with faithful resiliency, we consistently manipulated the chase, dangling our ‘goodies’ to insure we can make their mouths water.
Expectably, after we thought we had them, the big announcement, “I’m in Love!” Sadly and eventually, we come to realize, once again, we fail in love with the imagination of falling in love. .
By the way, true love has nothing to do with feeling out of the ordinary. If we need to ‘feel gifted’ by someone, it is but a moment you will meet continually with painstaking disappointments. In the end, these relationships are about control and fear of separation and abandonment. These relationships are insanity; moreover, it denotes lack of self-love, we engaged to a nightmare.
Love Yourself
As we vision, some grasp obsessively to love interests, an obvious illustration of dependency. It signals our mates’ ‘goodies’ may attract other suitors; ultimately, leaving us alone, deserted. Overall, we are worrying about our own needs not the marriage. These relationships are so taxing. Did you know, self-love is the only love not dependent on external people or forces.
In short, the Dragon does not need his wife, he adores and love being with his wife. I long-lost the illusion of the fear of separation that nearly destroyed my marriage and life. My fear of disconnection was demented and self-serving. I resemble the child screaming for his mother. Instead of marrying fantasies of love, turn on to you first.
Counterfeit love affairs are control and panic relationships. The premise that someone is responsible for our feelings pronounces our fear of separation and abandonment. A solution to this personal matter is for one to learn to find true self-love. Nevertheless, I do not direct people in that manner; I only know it starts within.
The Invisible Dragon
5 Ways to Boost Self-Esteem After Being Hurt
Self-esteem remains a vital part of us being in a mindful state. Possessing confidence and satisfaction in oneself helps energies the passion for life and love. When one however allows individuals or circumstances to mode our consciousness, we can lose the ability to separate event from the spirit. In other words, you are not the events of your life.
As some have found out, in life, things do not always go as plan; in those situations however, we must remember to separate ourselves. If someone disappoints you be careful with your rage, placing too much capital in our responses can weaken self-esteem. How many experienced a deficit in the spirit after suffering frustration and regret over the actions of another?
If our wife does something unexpected, we can feel great pain and by chance low self-esteem can occur. In other words, the “Why Me,” will begin to eat our spirit from the inside out. In addition, our self-worth decreases while the pain magnifies, for days we may not be any good to anyone but mainly ourselves. The disappointment plummets us into a sea of self-pity, apathy, and sometimes unrelenting fury.
5 Ways To Boost Self-Esteem
(1) Never Internalize the Pain
The ill-fated behaviors of a love one is not the time to say, “What did I do wrong?” An honest assessment allows you not to blame yourself for someone’s actions. Do not become a co-dependent in poor behavior.
(2) Anger Be Still, Humility
Be slow to express your anger verbally. Do not burn yourself, attempting to be ‘”Brutally Honest.” Remain quiet and sometimes walk away from disappointment.
(3) Forgive and Forget
If you struggle with forgiveness, your self-esteem and confidence will erode. Holding the handle of a hot-pot burns the hand of the person holding it. Self-esteem is empowered by being the bigger person.
(4) What you say, may and will be used against you
When hurt, we feel justified in saying whatever we like, for instance like a ‘a victim statement in court’. However, what you express my revisit you at a later date. In other words, the shoes will go on the other foot, no one’s perfect. Say what you would want said to you.
(5) Love Not Need
Self-esteem suffers woefully when we misinterpret what love is. Love always comes from the inside out. With that said, “We love not because we need a person; we need the person because we love them.” Dr. Henry Grayson, Mindful Loving
The Invisible Dragon
