Tag Archives: Boost your Self-Esteem

You Do Not Know What’s Best for Others

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492073189_eff60d3b1a_m “If only you shut up and listen to me” or “I’ll be quiet, why you destroy your life.” Regardless of the syntax, these statements wreak egotism. In fact, they often appear as helpful proposals but cloaked in the almighty ego of “I know what’s best for you”, they are self-centered wrappings of pride and fear. As a result, a difficult narcissus mental tool to surrender is the belief, “We know what’s best for others.” Without question, untold relationships have dissolved under this false notion.

Do you know the ego instructs the mind to “Know All?” Often, for some, we follow the ego’s instructions as we collect life’s memories. In the closely held materials reside accomplishments, adverse situations, hard knocks, triumphs and defeats. We however, unintentionally, become entrenched with a false sense authority; in fact, we become bloated with the false perception of all-encompassing wisdom.

In other words, we now know what is best for others and ourselves because of our memories. As such, we become possess with “Special Talents of Foreseeing the Future.” It may sound absurd but let us ‘chop it up’ like my friend Clarence would say.

Once a___Always____

For example, “Only an addict can talk to an addict about life changes.” Alternatively, “the religious person who formerly was astray can now help one change their lives.” In addition, the adult knows what is best for the child or the teacher is the master to the student.  These are all monomers.  They are all false assumptions of wisdom.

Nevertheless, all these noble assumptions and likewise appear genuine, nevertheless, these self-absorbed beliefs may lead to absolutism. Also, above all else, these arrogant beliefs blanket all people alike and once categorized the people are easily demonized if they refuse to listen to the “Special Person”, or the one “Who knows what’s best for them.” 1411577622_039cca041b

For instance, we may demonized husbands, wives, co-workers and friends when they refuse our counsel, in fact, the closer the relations, the more intense the feeling of dissent may become.

We literally hate, yes hate, when love ones refuse our counsels and predictions. As a result, we may condemn them to a life of sadness and despair; in addition, subconsciously desiring God to prove us right by bringing his wrath on the person.

“Hit Rock Bottom”

In fact, we call it, “rock bottom,” this not only indicate we’re right, but that God supports our beliefs of “We know what’s best.” Let us not deceive ourselves, the egotistical mind will defend those beliefs of being right till death. Countless relationships snap under such duress each day.  Sadly, some would rather be right, than to accept and surrender the egotistical thought of fortune-telling.

However, what is it we should accept and surrender too? Simple, we do not know what is best for anyone and we cannot predict his or her outcome. Regardless of our relations, titles, abilities, and accomplishments we lack the ability to see the final outcome.

Moreover, to make it more clear, the drug addict and convicted felon today becomes a writer and scholar tomorrow and who shall deny God’s proclamation. On the flip side, if you want to help someone, quiet your egotistical mind and self-righteous mouth and get to work on yourself.  Because, remarkably, the so-call righteous “Know-it-All” person today is the addict and felon tomorrow, now who would have predicted that?

The Invisible Dragon

milesdavis1

Did You Know, the Strong Surrender and the Weak Persist

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848531146_0231211e47 “God grant you the strength to fight off the temptations of surrender.” Walter Annenberg. Mr. Annenberg’s quote signifies an act of spiritual imprisonment and ultimately a deliberate attempt at euthanasia. Contrary to popular national, cultural, and athletic’ rally cries, in most instances, whatever you fight will consume you. Paul Tournier, “Acceptance of one’s life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices.”

However, all too often, we believe the harder one fight; the more one may accomplish or overcome. This is a misnomer, albeit, a powerful one. As a former athlete, if one appeared to surrender, it was the ultimate sign of human weakness. Nevertheless, as I later learn in life, this one unrealistic principle caused me unlimited pain and suffering. When one creates the illusion that to yield defines a feeble spirit, woe on to that person, I say. “Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” William James. To fight reality and remain steadfast against the obvious demonstrate a person lock inside their mind.

Stop Fighting

How often have we not accepted our reality? For instance, not only refusing to come to terms with unpleasant circumstances, but ultimately, erecting a ‘never say die” attitude. Specifically, as we play out the illusion we can control situations or persons’ behaviors and attempt to control the universe, we become obsessed with prevailing. There remains a great deal of pain for individuals who believe this principle. Primarily, as many of us have learned, we have absolutely no control over anything but our thoughts. To believe you are controlling someone’s actions is a fairytale.

If you desire change in a person or yourself for that matter, surrender, yes you heard me correctly, give up and let the situation occur without your interference. This is not prophecy or a treasure trove of some mystical oracle, but a peaceful resolution. There are so many spirits rested on the ill-fated wisdom that control of others and situations are in our power. Sadly, many learn and often too late, that we never had control of our lives, husbands, wives, children, not even our pets. 89737864_8ae6143610

Accept, Surrender, Move On

Give up the ideal of trying to make someone change their behaviors. Incidentally, what will happen will occur in God’s time not yours. We preach a good game but many of us live contrary to our pious tongues. Some so obsessed with not releasing their spirit to God, they fight to control every facet of their lives. Eventually, placing the blame on the ‘God’s testing us’ parable when the crap hits the fan.

You have heard this, first person, “I am in pain,”…second person, “God’s just testing you” yea right, testing your foolishness, wondering way you continue to fight. How about you surrender, how about you throw your ego out the door and realize you do not control your own breathing, let alone people and circumstances.

Stop the madness in believing fighting will bring victory. Maybe it will, maybe it will not, but at what cost to the spirit for such a shallow win? If you want peace, surrender, give it up and move on. Allow your obsessions to go free, allow your spirit to accept individuals’ behaviors without judgment and condemnation. You do not have to be right all the time. More importantly, permit yourself to discover the strength in surrendering by allowing things to go their nature way, without your input. In other words, stop your pain by accepting, surrendering, moving on.

“Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.” Miyamoto Musashi

The Invisible Dragon

milesdavis1

5 Ways to Boost Self-Esteem After Being Hurt

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501925151_b36f669e0e Self-esteem remains a vital part of us being in a mindful state. Possessing confidence and satisfaction in oneself helps energies the passion for life and love. When one however allows individuals or circumstances to mode our consciousness, we can lose the ability to separate event from the spirit. In other words, you are not the events of your life.

As some have found out, in life, things do not always go as plan; in those situations however, we must remember to separate ourselves. If someone disappoints you be careful with your rage, placing too  much capital in our responses can weaken self-esteem. How many experienced a deficit in the spirit after suffering frustration and regret over the actions of another?

If our wife does something unexpected, we can feel great pain and by chance low self-esteem can occur.   In other words, the “Why Me,” will begin to eat our spirit from the inside out. In addition, our self-worth decreases while the pain magnifies, for days we may not be any good to anyone but mainly ourselves.  The disappointment plummets us into a sea of self-pity, apathy, and sometimes unrelenting fury.

5 Ways To Boost Self-Esteem
(1) Never Internalize the Pain

The ill-fated behaviors of a love one is not the time to say, “What did I do wrong?” An honest assessment allows you not to blame yourself for someone’s actions. Do not become a co-dependent in poor behavior.

(2) Anger Be Still, Humility

Be slow to express your anger verbally. Do not burn yourself, attempting to be ‘”Brutally Honest.” Remain quiet and sometimes walk away from disappointment.

(3) Forgive and Forget

If you struggle with forgiveness, your self-esteem and confidence will erode. Holding the handle of a hot-pot burns the hand of the person holding it. Self-esteem is empowered by being the bigger person.

(4) What you say, may and will be used against you

When hurt, we feel justified in saying whatever we like, for instance like a ‘a victim statement in court’. However, what you express my revisit you at a later date. In other words, the shoes will go on the other foot, no one’s perfect. Say what you would want said to you.

(5) Love Not Need

Self-esteem suffers woefully when we misinterpret what love is. Love always comes from the inside out. With that said, “We love not because we need a person; we need the person because we love them.” Dr. Henry Grayson, Mindful Loving

The Invisible Dragon

milesdavis1